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I was talking with a friend about swans and I recalled an evening when a small group of swans brought
light to a tired mind, swimming in the darkness. For some reason they chose me from all the people walking
on the side of the kanal, and so they followed me. Later on I realized that my double bass that I was dragging
on my back may have had something to do with their interest.
Like the friend said: "If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck..."
These photos failed, but still, they are among my favorites.

I was so very sure of that the word "ljus" (swedish for "light") could be
pronounced without leaving the L so silent. After a few firm "LJus"- examples
my jaw started to clunk the way that I felt my assertiveness was suffering a bit.

A little game on the internet is a little game.
Last autumn we were playing one game even in
ridiculous amounts, him upstairs, me downstairs.
I'd say that a big part of our enthusiasm was about
being able to finally waste the time together with
a good consciense. Airport no longer haunts on our
shoulders like a Japanese ghost.

I should tie a small notebook
on my thigh, so that I could
fill it on the fly.
Maybe then I could be able
to remember my own thoughts.
I could remember the things
I wanted to.

Laughing at oneself is not impossible alone,
but is a lot easier with a friend.

One repeating element in my dreams is the tortoises found
wild outside, the ones that I, naturally, have to save from
the cold nature. I wonder, what are they symbolising? Are they?

It's possible to sing along the songs that are playing,
without thinking about the words or what the songs is about.
Then again, I do claim that words and their use is important to me?

Come on,
let's have it!
Should do OK
with this preparing?

      Leftover scrap just can't be
      thrown straight to waste?
      Find 13 alikenesses.

New words!

stökig - messy

armatur - armature

häck - hedge

pusta ut - catch breath

kvast - broom

It's difficult to start with it, get on with it, kick oneself
to attack something shapeless and scary, impossible.
The solution is immoral and irresponsible, but might just work:
I'll start with what is most fun!

I may just barely have some idea of how to get
from the mall to the main library, but I already
have my favorite places for lunch and coffee.
With the coffee place it's strongly about
enjoying oneself, not just feeling safe.

After getting used to emailing, the problem
with paper mail is that you start waiting for a reply
right after sticking the stamp on the envelope.

As I drag two pretty heavy bags with me around the town
I ponder, could I survive alive with carrying everything,
if I actually liked shopping.

New words!

uppstudsig - uppiniskainen

blänga på - glare

bastant - solid

vålnad - ghost

halkig - slippery

In a dream I was told to find a book
called "Insanity and Heartburn".
Alas, there's no such book.
How about Pride and Prejudice?

Why do cats occur in my dreams,
why do I go around dressed in pyjamas?

Should try to remember that a suffering
face impression may be interpreted as reluctance...

During a week we've visited people, walked around the Ikea,
changed the winter tires, assembled some big and small wardrobes..
And still, it feels like we had a total resting holiday week. Not bad.

Using ones legs more actively,
could be more focused in
many areas of life?

After having had "Ee i ee i o" going round and round
in my head for the rest of the day, I decide to think
more carefully in the future when trying to come up
with stuff for my students to play.

The thought of having changed as a person during
the last few years makes it sound like others
probably haven't. Well, have you?

I guess it's unavoidable: Acting stupidly sometimes keeps
you humble in front of the fact that you're not totally perfect?

Making up weird stories or sentences
to help remembering something later on
might take time, but can also be fun.

Would be so easy to turn into a massage-place-addict.
I can imagine myself whining at the door step: "Do you
have any cancelled, free times? How about now? How long
would I get with ten euro?"

Most often, you are playing as a musician to musicians,
or as a musician to people. Today I played
to people as a person, and it felt like I could
wake some feelings.

Can one play to musicians as a person?

There was a weekend seminar where we got to open
the sunday morning with Adagio by Shostakovich.
The athmosphere was somehow especially natural,
and it felt goot to be playing there. Afterwards,
I was pondering, did the theme of the seminar create
the feeling: Facing death and helping the dying.
When the talk is, among other subjects, about how
the face changes when the spirit and soul, the life
moves away.. Could the people who are momentarily
less scared when thinking about death, could they be
more honest, more tolerant and genuine to others
and themselves?

After having preached about general manners,
playing in an orchestra and other facts of life,
she took an eager look around:
"Anyone else needing some critical feedback?!"

Small moments of beauty:
Seeing a warm light and a gate
with its shadow when walking
the gray streets of central city.

A wee little jelly fish swimming
to the surface to greet the two
friends who sit at(by? on? under?)
the canal shore.
(sure, it's a beast, but so are we)

January was mentally dark and low and I was pretty much lost.
The inner fire and core of me was missing, without a known reason
or explanation. Now, I exist again, I am whole. At the same time
I'm afraid of the disappearing happening again.
How do you hold on to a pink cloud?

Sometimes it would be easier to be
Mari Yli-pieskä, playing the cello.

Where does one place an order for getting the
previous wall neighbours back?!
The new ones are like a Creeck tavern when
comparing to the old ones. It's starting to feel
like living in a apartment building,
for crying out loud!!!!!!!

After having fallen from the back of a high,
almost flying horse, it is sad to know, already
after the morning wake up, that the next one,
a normal smallish ride us going to feel like
an armadillo.
One is still so depended on the quirks of
the cosmic equerry. (master of horses)

Then again, I am the one holding the reins?

I'm always impressed when I see Fjällräven- backpacks.
They represent authenticness and honesty.
Wouldn't want to get one myself though,
they're pretty sad and ugly after all.

An improvisation lesson and meeting a bear do have
things in common. The comfort zone dissappears so
far away in the horizon that you'd want to throw yourself
on the ground faking dead, or run away as quickly as the
feet would fly.
At the same time one tries to tell oneself :
"When I keep and show my selfconfidence, I'll keep
the situation under control and I get to be a part of
something greater than life".

Tandem-barrachute jump. Catching a fish, cooking and eating it.
Paddling a kanot. Learning sign language. Horseback riding moment.
Learning Spanish. Building a snow castle once more.....

Should one make a list of goals for the life,
or will it only become a heavy evidence of everything
that one never gets done?

If some people out of shear improfeccionality and lack
of humanity break my rights as a human being and an individual,
and that actually leads into getting stronger and finding a better
direction, do I have to thank them if I don't want to?

I was working on a school assignment the whole night,
with only two hours of sleep. In the morning I had
troubles to come up with an answer to the question
at hand: "How long time does it take when the
clock is nine, after it has been eight?"
Realized that normally it wouldn't be a question
at all and it was the sleep debt making life all
fuzzy and interesting.

Now I have somekind of
an idea of how Noak
might have felt when
people didn't bother or
remember to get onboard
the ark. You fools!

School work, finished in the dream world, have the annoying
downside of being a bit more difficult to be
shown to the teachers when the morning comes.